So there was this holiday the other week you may have heard about. It was called Mother’s Day.
I was slammed until late Saturday night, and I didn’t have a chance to get flowers for the extremely deserving mother of my children. So early Sunday morning, I got up and snuck down to Ralphs to get some flowers.
It was sorta reassuring to know I wasn’t the only one. Holy cow, I pulled into the parking lot and had to circle it to get a spot. Then when I went inside, there was an overwhelming display of flowers with a large banner that read, “Attention Idiots. Last Chance to Seem Like You Give a Rat’s Rear.”
The banner didn’t really say that, but it should have.
Once my eyes had a chance to adjust, I looked off to the left where the normal flower section was, and it was packed. Guys milling aimlessly around, looking numbly at racks of cards, paralyzed with indecision in the face of overwhelming options, staring at all the flowers like well-intentioned yet invincibly ignorant zombies.
Not me. I knew exactly what I wanted. I got three bouquets of roses, one for each of my children to give to my wife. I made sure to avoid the red roses, because after 15 years of buying her red roses, and every time hearing my wife say, “Are you kidding? I keep telling you I hate red roses”, I finally have it down. Red is the color of my blood, which I’ll see at some point if I keep buying her red roses. Seriously, that’s how I’ve managed to remember it for the past 10 years.
So I brought the flowers home, and we had a great Mother’s Day. And when my wife asked me when I got the flowers, I told her, “This morning. I wanted to wait until the very last minute, so your flowers would be as fresh as possible.”
It’s all about perspective, my friends.